sustaining

The Lord sustains.  To “sustain” means to “cause to continue or be prolonged for an extended period.” Almost like to preserve.

This has been a word that I have been dwelling on recently, along with the truth that our Creator sustains what He wills; we, the created, do not.

As a care provider in the acute hospital setting, there are times when patients decline rapidly and you think to yourself “could I have done more” or “did I make the right choice” or “is it my fault.”  This happened to me multiple times several weeks ago. It beat me down, and the emotional and mental baggage was heavy. By His grace, the word of God, delivered through Scripture, as well as by family and friends, near and far, old and new, swiftly cut off the lies that were on repeat in my head. As a weakened and discouraged soul, I had to cling oh so closely and tightly to Him, my creator, my savior, my sustainer.

I remember studying through the attributes of God with a discipleship group a few years ago. We came across the attribute of God’s providence (preservation and concurrence), as well as creation. I consciously knew and believed that God created all things; however, a new idea was introduced about how the Lord sustains and preserves his creation.  Wayne Grudem, in Systematic Theology, laid out that “Creation is distinct from God yet always dependent on God… Indeed, in Christ ‘all things hold together‘ (Colossians 1:17), and He is continually ‘upholding the universe by His word of power‘ (Heb 1:3)… God keeps all created things existing and maintaining the properties with which he created them.”

Within these few weeks, I’ve learned He at least sustains:

  1. Relationships – I have lived in multiple places in my life, and I have lasting friendships from each of those phases. They preach truth to me when I am lost; they remind me where and who I should look to during times of anxiety. Knowing the Lord, He does everything for our good – everything to grow us and mold us to become more like Christ. We know that “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ“(Philippians 1:6). These current relationships are for our good, at least for now. So, friends, I am thankful for you in this current season.
  2. Careers – As mentioned before, sometimes, often-times, I feel incompetent in my work. I work to heal people, but I know the ultimate Healer is the Lord. I am just part of His workmanship…and why does He use me? I’m not so sure. I’m amazed He chooses to include me. The Lord has put me here with this sick patient. The best thing I can do for this patient is to understand that our lives have providentially connected during this hard time, and to pray for them. I need to pray. He has put me there with this sick patient.
  3. Life – “From life’s first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand til He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I’ll stand“(In Christ Alone). My patients’ lives are ultimately in His hands. Mine are in His hands. I was also just involved in a three-car motor vehicle accident. Luckily nobody was hurt. A little shaken up – but not hurt. My mom said “Thank God everyone is okay. He is the one who preserves our lives, and He has preserved your life. He is still using you on this earth.” He sustains.

I truly believe that whatever is not most beneficial for our lives, even if we cannot see it or understand it, the Lord will take away. He may replace it with a new and better version, or He may not replace it at all. Nonetheless, we trust Him because we know He is sovereign, all-good, and all-wise.

“You are the LORD, you alone. You have made heaven, the heaven of heavens, with all their host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them; and you preserve all of them; and the host of heaven worships you.” (Nehemiah 9:6)

So, friends, be thankful for what He has sustained, and thankful for what He has stripped away.  Pray. All for His glory.

ireland 2018

From the little warm pubs in every town center, to the natural phenomenons near Belfast, to the historic castles in Cashel, to the whiskey distilleries in Cork, to the vast green valleys and mountains of Killarney, to the colorful and musical streets of Galway, to the massive cliffs in Lahinch, to the historic libraries of knowledge in Dublin, Ireland was so fun to explore.  The people there are easy going and laid back. The sheep there are content with their pastures. I had two of the best travel buddies with me – each helping out with some responsibility of planning the trip, yet each letting go of some of their own desires to better serve another; each never complaining about the tiring and busy times, and each respecting the quiet and slow times.  Love them. Loved Ireland.

empathy

Many of us are familiar with that short clip by Dr. Brene Brown on the topic of empathy (if you are not sure what I am talking about, follow this link – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw ).  It is a very good explanation on the difference between sympathy and empathy.  Per the great dictionary.com, sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow, or pity for the hardships that another person encounters, while empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another. You feel the feelings another is feeling, and you think the thoughts another is thinking.

I currently work in acute care in a hospital. On any given day, I will see patients from the ICU to the medical floors to the ER.  I have familiarized myself with the diagnoses, equipments, medical terms, and family experiences – or so I thought.

A few weeks ago, I received a text from my parents that my grandma was hospitalized in the ICU for pneumonia, and it does not look good.  She has been dealing for a while with advanced Parkinson’s disease, and we all somewhat knew in the back of our minds that the end may be approaching.  But, the end is never easy. My brother, sister-in-law, and I made a last-minute roadtrip from SoCal to NorCal to be with my grandma while she was in the hospital. I saw many familiar medical tubing and lines in the ICU room, but they were not so familiar when they were connected to my loved one. I met with many familiar medical disciplines, from the pulmonologist to the respiratory therapist to the palliative care team, but their words were not as familiar and easy to bear when they were discussing my loved one. I, personally, was familiar to these types of pneumonia cases and knew the prognosis, but it was not so easy to be realistic and stick to our “coffee-table-decisions” when it became a “hospital-room-decision.”

We were that family that had 10 family members in or around the room all the time. We were constantly watching her, stroking her hand, keeping her warm. Any little grimace from my grandma pained me. Any little cough worried me.

We stayed for the weekend, said our goodbyes, and then returned home. My grandma passed peacefully a few days later.  She is now dancing in heaven, and for that I am forever grateful.

Within the first week of returning to work, I felt like I had several patients and cases that were so similar to my grandma’s case, but now, I had a new perspective. Especially in relation to the family members at bedside. I wanted to tell them my whole story – that I know what they’re going through, that I care.

You know you want your mother to be comfortable, but still want to at least try everything to save her?  I know it is hard to let her go.  You know your loved one is so sick that she can barely take enough food safely for nutrition, but you still want her to be eating? I know.  Just found out the prognosis is poor and that your father probably will not make it, and they may palliatively extubate soon? I know the feeling.  Want to stay all day and all night in the hospital with your grandmother, even though she is sedated and may not even know you are there? Please stay, she needs you. 

This experience gave me a whole different perspective as I treat my patients now – more sensitivity, more patience, more empathy.

I was talking my coworker and sharing this experience with her:

Me: “Yeah, it sucks that I had to go through all that to learn all this. It is so hard.”

Coworker: “Yes, it is hard, but it is the only way to learn this.”

The past month has been difficult, but the Lord is working through it. In our suffering, He is carrying us and growing us to become more like Him. To know more of His grace, power, sovereignty, wisdom, love, patience, empathy.  Christ came and experienced humanity. Therefore, when we come to Him, we know He understands. We know He is a personal God. We know He cares.

“With my mouth I will give great thanks to the LORD; I will praise him in the midst of the throng. For he stands at the right hand of the needy one, to save him from those who condemn his soul to death.” (Psalm 109:30-31)